When Essentially Amy Lynn was created I wanted a place to share my thoughts and experiences on my life. This included being open and honest about my journey with infertility. I recently shared a moment with a person who mentioned she was pregnant and followed it up with and now I’m not. My heart broke for her. I know the pain she experienced and will continue to experience. I kept it short and simple but made sure she knew she wasn’t alone and that I have blogged about what I went through. I shared my blog address and encouraged her to check it out. Having gone through a miscarriage I found it comforting hearing from other women who went through something similar. Each situation is different just like each one of our angel babies are different. However, knowing you are not alone is comforting.
As I was scrolling through my blog I realized I didn’t have a designated spot for my journey. A few clicks later and now all of my blog posts regarding my journey with infertility and miscarriage is all in one spot. I thought it was perfect to place it under “My Journey” under the lifestyle tab. It is my lifestyle no matter if I wanted it to be or not, it is what I am learning about on a day to day basis. I am far from perfect and have put my emotions on the line in some of my posts however, I am hiding nothing. It is my true raw emotions.
When you are on this journey you need a lot of support. Well at least that’s how I feel. Those who distance themselves make it harder to have true conversations on what you are feeling and going through. Believe me, I have punished myself enough on the why, what if and the how that I don’t need anyone else to question what is going on. I rather have people offer support or at least show they truly care and realize this is not the path I attended to take or anyone else planned to go on. Ignoring the situation is not going to go away. Believe me, I think some people think if they don’t bring it up they are doing me a favor. No, actually I much rather have a genuine conversation than a fake conversation. There are tactful ways to let someone know news you are about to share may hurt them. Never sharing this information can ultimately make things worse. I do realize a lot of people truly don’t understand or know how to carry on a conversation or even relate to my journey. I have tried really hard to understand how it may be for them to try and be there.
I have experienced high’s and low’s during my journey. During my low’s I would surf the web to find someone who had a similar thought process as me. This journey isn’t easy. As the days go by you think you have lost another day that you aren’t pregnant. You tend to second guess yourself more than what you ever did before you started on this road. Once again, it’s not the road you planned on traveling. It’s not like you woke up and saw the name infertility on the street sign and decided to wonder down it or saw the sign that read miscarriage and thought I want to hang a right there. It is a life you are learning to embrace all the high’s and low’s.
Social media is a interesting platform to communicate with others on how you are feeling. Some like myself share blog posts while others complain that it’s 8 o’clock and they have had to change their kid 3 times already. Believe me, I would love to have that problem. If only we could trade lives for a moment where I can be a mom and you can find out what it is like to be in your late 30’s and childless. Don’t worry I covered my dog’s eyes so they didn’t read that last part. Yes, I have 2 dogs who are a huge part of our family.
I still have the few things we got when we were expecting Baby S. As you can see from this picture, we knew Baby S and our dogs would be best friends. Or at least that is what we hoped. This was Baby S’s first outfit. It is normally hanging up in the guest bedroom closet. I don’t see it everyday however, I know where it is. Two of the books we got when we were expecting Baby S and the other one I bought after I had a miscarriage. It was recommended by my acupuncturist who I adored and trusted.
To anyone who has suffered a loss or is on a long road of infertility. My heart goes out to you. Continue to let yourself experience the high’s and low’s of life. Please know what you feel is normal. If it helps you to follow along with my journey, I’d be honor to share my experience with you. I am a normal late 30 something woman who landed a bad deck of cards who is trying to make the best play at life as possible. Continue to comeback to this little section of my blog to check for future posts or feel free to reread my older ones.