As I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline this week I came across the perfect article I needed to read at the right time. The Big Bang Theory actress Melissa Rauch shared something close to my heart. I encourage you to take the time and read the attached article. Before I thought she was a good actress. Now I see her in a totally different way.
Not that I need reassurance for how I feel however, it was everything I have thought about and think about. I will never forget the moments of taking the first pregnancy test followed up with a second one the following day. To the joy and several heartfelt moments shared between my husband and I. Then seeing our baby a total of three times. Unfortunately, the third time was the last and final ultrasound we would see Baby S.
A miscarriage changes you, just like a child changes you. Biggest difference one is physically present while the other isn’t. You are never prepared for what you will go through during the process of having a miscarriage. The after math is horrible. As I mentioned in several posts, it was the hardest time in my life. Emotionally I was a mess. The journey your body goes through is unpleasant. It doesn’t go away in a day. It takes weeks even months for your body to get regulated.
Then you have the dates carved in your head on when you found out you were pregnant followed up with the birth date. Some how the date you lost your baby is now added to the dates you remember. Suggesting to someone to forget about their experience is cold and heartless. I would never expect someone to forget the date they found out they were expecting nor the date they delivered their child. Yes, I realize I never gave birth however, I was given a date on when Baby S was supposed to make a entrance into this world.
This process changes you. During my recovery I had to emotionally find balance and think about what if I got pregnant again and how this experience will change my outlook. It will, there is no question about it. It takes away the joy and happiness you are supposed to feel. It also makes you thankful and cherish everyday you have. I have learned to be thankful for what I experienced. Yes, I am thankful that I saw a positive pregnancy test. I am thankful I had an ultrasound and had doctor appointments to see Baby S. I wish more than anything Baby S was here with us. This baby will always have a special place in our hearts.
Looking back, my oils played a huge part on supporting my emotions during this time. When I purchased my Premium Starter Kit Joy and Valor were apart of the kit. I would literally apply Joy and Valor to my wrists and the proceed to smell them. I would do this day after day. This helped me feel like how I was supposed to feel. I am a firm believer my oils saved me from going further down a dark road in my life.
My life isn’t perfect. I do not like the deck of cards I have been dealt. I know I am normal to have these feelings. Having Essentially Amy Lynn to share my thoughts, my oils to support my emotions, and my workouts (running and Pure Barre) to keep me healthy is how I survive everyday. I let myself have my ups and downs. I try my best to give those who say hurtful things a pass. I truly believe they don’t mean to come across as being hurtful however, it is very hurtful to me. It’s an indescribable experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It’s also hard to even relate to someone if you have never experienced this loss yourself.
During this difficult time in my life I learned so much. I have learned to merge modern medicine in with my holistic lifestyle. I now ask further questions to get to the root of the problem instead of just going with whatever is suggested. I feel healthier and more grounded now than when I got pregnant. I continue to be proactive and support my immune, respiratory, hormones, and emotions with Young Living Essential Oils. I want the best for my family and will continue to research to prevent this experience ever happening again.
If you have experienced a miscarriage please know you are not alone. Let yourself feel what you do. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to yell, yell. Everyone’s journey is unique. I continue to learn each day why I am going down this long and winding road to conceive our rainbow baby. Until this happens, you’ll find me applying stress away to my wrists.
XO – Amy