Warning: this isn’t a warm and fuzzy post.
Let’s face it, life can be an emotional roller coaster. Everyone has their highs and lows. Some of us are able to bounce back from our lows while some have a much harder time.
This week as I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed I came across an obituary of a young lady who ended up taking her own life. I never met this girl however, I clicked the link and read her obituary. Her family members spelled everything out in the obituary on what really happened to this young girl. She was 15 years old and had been seeking help for depression. Unfortunately, she was the victim of being bullied and ended up taking her own life by hanging herself. Personally, I can’t fathom placing anything around my neck and taking my life. My heart broke as I read her obituary. My heart sank for all the pain she experienced in her life.
Unfortunately, I have known several people who have taken their life. People who I thought were happy and had a lot going for them. What we see sometimes on the outside isn’t what these individuals are feeling on the inside. Sometimes they end up seeking help and are given a prescription and sent home. In reality, they need more than this. They need more than a pill bottle to have a break through.
Several years ago I gave private swim lessons at various pools around the area. Some were in the swimmers backyard. I remember receiving a phone call letting me know that a family tragedy happened and I would no longer be working with this little swimmer. This little swimmer was the only child and was so smart for her age. I could tell she had a special bond with her mom when I saw them every week. I was in shock when I was told this little swimmers mom hung herself from the front room banister. So many questions were going through my head. From the outside looking in, they had everything. I was at a loss for words which rarely happens. This little swimmer lost someone who she looked up to and wanted to impress during every single lesson. Looking back I wish I would have saw something. Maybe I could have helped. English wasn’t the parents first language. To add to the dynamic, they both were born in different countries and spoke three languages english being one. I know how I feel when we move to another state. I feel lost and out of place. I can only imagine how she felt being in a different country, raising a daughter, and watching her husband achieve his career goals. Was all of this to much for her?
Sometimes coming to the realization on what you want or had envisioned for your life may not happen is hard to swallow. I have had my own demons that peeked when I had a miscarriage. I was at a very low point in my life. I felt completely alone. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to be happy and live the life I envisioned for myself and my husband. It honestly sucked. I ended up having weekly acupuncture appointments that helped me in so many different areas in my life. This is when I really embraced essential oils for emotional support. It worked for me, and I am thankful for that. I found my balance without a prescription.
It’s hard for others to exactly know what you are going through unless they have walked in your shoes. I have a tendency to guard myself because I never ever want to go back to those dark times in my life. I know if I didn’t balance out my emotions I may not be writing this. I was strong enough to know that I needed help. I have learned to only give advice in a situation when you have first hand experience. Hearing from others who have never walked a day in my shoes was gut wrenching. Don’t get me wrong, I had several people who never walked in my shoes say really nice things. They didn’t give me advice they just offered support and that’s what I needed.
If only I had a money tree maybe things would be a little different for us. Moving isn’t cheap. Even though we always move for a better job for my husband we still take a loss when it comes to furniture, breaking leases, non refundable pet deposits, buying a house, the list goes on and on. As I was running today I thought about how many kitchen tables we have had…….wait for it…..we are on kitchen table number 5. On our 4th couch, 3rd mattress, it’s never ending. I am always told by outsiders that we can always replace these items. Yes, they are right. It’s all replaceable however these things add up. Yes, it was our choice but it has also cost us money. If we would have stayed in one place we could have had all the original but may have not had the household income we have today. Because of all this, we don’t have the extra cash to think about IVF or any other similar procedure. It’s a reality. Does it hurt, of course it does. This leads me back to emotions. If I think about all of this I will naturally get sad because a family is something I have always wanted. Unless a envelope full of money shows up in our mail box this won’t happen. I can look at pictures of families and kids but having someone ask me something point blank really hits me hard. Once again, I like to be in control. I like to guard and protect myself.
Last March my husband’s cousin took her life. As a person looking in from the outside seemed like she was so happy. She had 3 beautiful children however things changed for her. She was going through a divorce and I can only imagine what she was experiencing. Having the visual or having something you always wanted then it being taken away is hard to swallow. I commend her for seeking help however, she was never given the amount of help she truly needed. She was released from the hospital and 72 hours later she took her life. Click here to read a article one year after she ended her life.
This week reminded me again to be kind. Kindness truly matters. A simple smile and hello can have a huge impact on someones life. If you see someone suffering reach out. Don’t turn your back. Find someone who can help them further. Reach out to the National Suicide Hotline. I firmly believe if we lead by example we will make a impact and hopefully save someone’s life.