When I think about injuries I have had in the past I am reminded the healing process I went through to recover. Our bodies are truly amazing on how they can heal with proper care. The physical scar reminds me of that life event and how it changed me.
Healing from a miscarriage is a little different, at least for me. For one, it’s way more emotional. I do not have any physical scars that I can see. I truly believe that’s a good thing. Back in the day, it was somewhat cool to be on crutches and everyone was there to help you heal from your injury. Unfortunately, the healing process from a miscarriage is somewhat lonely. People tend to tip toe around what you went through and what you lost. Sometimes, they even down play that you lost a child because you didn’t give birth.
I was recently reminded that we lost a child and we will always grieve the child we lost. In the same conversation I was also reminded this is normal. This was the best news I have received in a long time. Yes, I had a miscarriage and never met our child outside of the womb. We tried for years to have this child and when it finally happened we felt the struggle we went through was worth it. Little did we know how it would end.
Everyone processes grief differently. I am triggered more by dates than my husband. I honestly never know when it is going to come up and sink it’s claws in. Throughout our journey and the loss of our baby I am proud of myself for sharing this journey. I was reminded by my counselor how sharing is healthy and therapeutic for me. Not only have I had to grieve the life of our baby I have also had to grieve the life I envisioned I would have with my husband. There is a small percentage of people who truly knows what this feels like. It’s also a group I never thought I would be apart of.
I am reminded how unaware people are when it comes to grief and moving on. You will never ever officially move on. You will never ever forget the baby you created. You will never forget the dreams you created when you were a little girl. You will never forget the numerous conversations you had with your partner about names, kids, religion, sports, and so on. You are changed from this experience, and once again it is completely normal.
A miscarriage not only changes you, but it also changes the dynamics of your relationships with others. It may change your marriage, family, and friendships. I grew closer to some and have drifted from others. Once again, this is normal. I am fortunate to have some amazing friends who think of me and share when they read articles they think may help us along our infertility journey. They are the same friends who have never passed judgement on how I have grieved and will continue to.
I have embraced as much of a holistic lifestyle during our infertility journey. I am a firm believer if we never changed our lifestyle we would never have experienced the joy of expecting Baby S. This lifestyle has taught me so much. I am reminded daily that my husband and I are the gatekeepers of our health and we decide what we want to expose ourselves to on a daily basis. I smile on a daily basis on how my husband is as much as an oiler as I am. He honestly loves Young Living as much as I do, which is ALOT!
Even though some moments are hard, there are so many moments where I experience pure joy. This is often when I am sharing my passion on removing chemicals from your home. I love when my friends who are expecting or have little ones reach out for guidance on where to start on their oily journey. I am truly honored they trust and value me to help guide them and their family throughout their journey.
I honestly don’t know where I would be if I didn’t use my essential oils for emotional support. The power of these little bottles is simply amazing. Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) have also helped me along this journey. I recommend both of these techniques to continue to improve yourself.
As we near the three year mark of our miscarriage I can say I am in a better place than I was the past couple of years. Will I ever be “normal”? Well….what’s “normal” anyways? I think the Holiday’s will always be a little challenging because this is not the life my husband and I envisioned we would have. We always thought we would be parents getting ready to be Santa.
Sending my love to those who have walked this bumpy road. Never give up hope. At least no one can ever take that away from me.